When it comes to thinking about how to achieve happiness, sometimes we are presented with what seems like a binary choice: a purposeful life where happiness is a welcome side effect, vs. really concentrating on the pursuit of happiness (while neglecting meaning and service).
For instance, John Stuart Mill, a British philosopher of the nineteenth century, once said, “Those only are happy (I thought) who have their minds fixed on some object other than their own happiness.”
There is some truth to this approach and many Rabbis and sages have wisely stated that a life of mitzvot, Torah and good deeds will bring a great deal of simcha (Jewish joy). On the other hand, while rereading the English translation of Rabbi Shlomo Wolbe’s (ZT”L) book, Planting & Building: Raising a Jewish Child, I was reminded that I actually think a combination of both approaches to happiness is best.
Rabbi Wolbe, who was a leading Torah authority in Jerusalem and the author of some classic mussar (Jewish ethics) works, heavily relies on the metaphor of planting in the book to explain how parents can optimally raise Jewish children. This frequently used metaphor is particularly relevant with the holiday of Tu B’Shevat – the New Year of trees – right around the corner.
In Planting & Building, Rabbi Wolbe wrote:
If we want something particular to sprout, we must be careful to plant precisely what we want, and afterwards the seeds will sprout from themselves in a natural process (pages 17-18).
Although Rabbi Wolbe was specifically referring to raising children to be ethical Jews, I believe his statement also applies to happiness. Today, one particular character trait/quality many of us are eager to see sprout is simcha, both for us and our children. This requires us to think carefully about the planting process and to nurture those elements that are fertile for happiness.
It’s true that living a purposeful Jewish life – doing the mitzvot, studying Torah and performing good deeds – will generally bring happiness. But just like the willow tree is different from the olive tree, there are differences among Jews, too. Asking ourselves how happy we are is sometimes a good compass as to whether we are on the right path to sharing our own uniqueness. This evaluation can actually enhance the purpose in our lives (we don’t have to adopt a binary, either-or approach to happiness).
One Jew’s purpose in life might be to devote himself mainly to Torah study and produce great works of scholarship, while another Jew might find study difficult, but excel in acts of kindness and inter-personal mitzvot. It
Other Happiness Lessons from Tu B’Shevat
We can’t instantly have a new tree tomorrow. First we need to plant and then nurture. This is another reason why it’s helpful to think about simcha. We need to plant and nurture it. The following questions can help you think about whether you are preparing a proper environment for simcha to grow:
Do you have friends who build you up, or do they sometimes tear you down?
Are you eating right and exercising?
Have you been praying with deep intention and meditating?
How is your family life?
We also shouldn’t forget the importance of the Land of Israel when thinking about Tu B’Shevat. On Tu B’Shevat, it is customary to eat a fruit from the Land of Israel that one has not yet tasted this year. Of course, thinking about and experiencing the Land of Israel brings us great happiness. As Rabbi Avraham Yitzhak Kook, the first Chief Rabbi of Israel, once said:
In the Land of Israel, it is possible to draw the joy of holiness from the site of joy itself.
May you be blessed with a happy and healthy Tu B’Shevat this year!
PS – I am especially happy on Tu B’Shevat because my wonderful daughter was born right around this time.
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