Exactly fourteen years ago (according to the Jewish calendar), I asked Neetz if she wanted to officially be my girlfriend. She said “yes” and all these years later we have three kids, a wonderful home and countless funny stories.
Maybe part of our success has resulted from the fact that our romance began on Tu B’Av, a magical Jewish holiday of love and happiness.
What is this little known Jewish holiday all about? One thing we know is that it’s a joyous holiday.
Israel has had no holidays more joyous than Tu B’Av and Yom Kippur, when the young women of Jerusalem would go out…and dance in the vineyards (Mishna Ta’anit 4:8).
In his interesting book, Moadim LeSimcha: Explorations into the Jewish Holidays, Rabbi Shlomo Aviner lists several reasons why we rejoice on Tu B’Av.
After the first generation of Jews entered The Land of Israel during biblical times, intermarriage between the 12 tribes of Israel was problematic because each tribe received a specific portion of the land (intermarriage could have created inheritance problems). Tradition states that on Tu B’Av, the tribes were given permission to marry each other.
Similarly, following a civil war during the time of the Judges, the other tribes did not allow their daughters to marry men from the tribe of Benjamin. The ban was eventually rescinded on Tu B’Av.
Rabbi Aviner also writes that for the 40 years that the Nation of Israel wandered in the desert, G-d did not communicate directly with Moshe (Moses). But on Tu B’Av of the 40th year, direct communication resumed.
What do all of these events have in common? Love and unity.
Tu B’Av is the opposite of Tisha B’Av: In contrast to the baseless hatred that brought about the destruction of the Beit HaMikdash (the temple) and the exile of our nation, the events commemorated on Tu B’Av reflect love and unity within our people, and our deep connection to Eretz Yisrael (the land of Israel) and the Beit HaMikdash (Rabbi Aviner, page 191).
Rabbi Jack Abramowitz, writing for the Orthodox Union, explains some of the beautiful mystique and lore of Tu B’Av:
Unmarried girls would put on white dresses. All of these dresses were borrowed from one another. This way, people would not focus on the girls’ financial means, as nobody knew whose dress belong to whom. The girls would dance and they would call out to the young men not to look at physical beauty, but at their character and upbringing. They would quote the verse from Proverbs (31:30), ‘Grace is false and beauty is meaningless; a woman who is dedicated to G-d is the one to praise.’
There you have it. Tu B’Av is a wonderful day of love, romance, unity and closeness. And these qualities of course lead to happiness and meaning. I hope I am blessed to experience many, many more Tu B’Av holidays together with Neetz (until 120).
Enjoy Tu B’Av!