In the past, I’ve sometimes felt LESS happy on Purim because of my own expectation that I’d be extremely happy, or that most other Jews are tremendously happy around Purim time. We all know that we are SUPPOSED to be happy. “When the month of Adar begins, our joy increases” (Talmud, Taanit 29a).

Jewish joy, or “simcha,” is a central theme of the holiday itself. We read in the Purim Megillah:

…the month which for them was turned from sorrow into gladness and from mourning into a holiday.

My past happiness let-downs bring up a central paradox of simcha: Rabbis often counsel us not to focus too much on happiness as an end goal. Just serve G-d, do the mitzvot and perform acts of kindness, and you’ll be living a rewarding life. I agree that thinking excessively about one’s own happiness can lead to hedonism and selfishness.

By constantly wondering during past Purim holidays if I was “happy enough,” I decreased my level of satisfaction. And yet I’ve also found that not preparing for my own happiness and just thinking it will result automatically can also lead to a lack of simcha.

For instance, knowing there is an elevated expectation for happiness during Purim helps me plan ahead with steps to avoid disappointment. I do so by:

• Remaining present in the moment
• Making others, such as my wife and wonderful three children, happy during Purim (making others happy often makes us happy, too)
• Concentrating on the deeper meaning of Purim – G-d’s role in our day-to-day lives is often hidden, but that doesn’t make it less real
• Not drinking excessively

I’m sure I’m not alone. It’s easy to see all the happy Purim pictures on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter, and to think you are the only one not doing something fabulous. Maybe holidays exacerbate feelings of loss or family friction for people you know. So please reach out to others who may be lonely and try to include them in your fun!

During and after Purim, I’m going to keep practicing the skill of finding the perfect equilibrium between not focusing too much on my own personal happiness, while also remembering that each Jew is unique and I’m more likely to experience simcha when I create optimal conditions for it to blossom. If I’m expected to be happy in Adar and on Purim, that means it’s OK for me to think about how I can be happy.

HAPPY PURIM!